Watching BBC3s documentary Is breast best? last night got me thinking. So many women want to breastfeed but face difficulties in the early weeks which lead to them having to stop. Many of these women wrongly feel that they have failed. These women have not failed, but the system and society has failed them! If we want to see increased breastfeeding rates and a more positive attitude to breastfeeding in this country then we as breastfeeding mothers, health professionals, and activists need to step up and serve women better. We need to give them the support, information and confidence that they need to succeed.
During Pregnancy.
Women do not need to be lectured about the benefits of breastfeeding. Everyone knows that breast is best, and telling people over and over again is not all that helpful. I believe pregnant women need to be given accurate information about breast and bottle feeding which enables them to make informed decisions. Pregnant women need to be given realistic expectations about life with a newborn, they need to be told what breastfeeding is like, how breasts work, when their milk will come in and the physical and emotional results. They need to be told what colour normal breastfed baby poo is too! They need to know that it is normal for babies to feed lots and lots in the first few weeks and that this settles down with time. Mums need to know that at 6-8 weeks baby will have a growth spurt and feed loads, and that every month after that the same thing will happen again. They need to be shown how to hold baby to feed, and that their are different positions which may suit them better than others.
Most of all though pregnant mums need to be exposed to breastfeeding. They should be encouraged to attend a breastfeeding support group or antenatal workshop (with a real baby present) where they can see another mum feed, ask them questions about what its really like, and generally get used to seeing babies at the breast. Not only does this help mum get a realistic idea of what breastfeeding will be like, but it gives them a contact point to go back to once baby has arrrived.
After Birth.
Getting breastfeeding off to a good start is fundamental. In hospital mum needs care from a trained midwife/breastfeeding supporter who knows what they are doing and has a positive attitude towards breastfeeding. Getting the staunch formula feeder who has no knowledge or interest in breastfeeding is not helpful. Mum needs someone who cares about her breastfeeding success to sit with her, spend time helping her latch, and keep helping until she gets it right. Hovering with a bottle will not help mum gain her confidence! Mum has her part to play too - asking for help is so important. Yes midwives are always busy, and yes it feels bad buzzing them when you see them running around. But it is their job to help women breastfeed. You have a right to breastfeeding help and you must ask if you are struggling. If its hurting when you feed then you need help, don't just perservere thinking it will get better, chances are it will get worse if you don't deal with the cause of any pain quickly.
The first six weeks.
Leaving hospital and coming home is when the fun begins! The first few weeks are incredibly hard for new parents with a whole lot of learning to do on the job. Added to that are recovery from the birth, hormones, sleep deprivation, visitors outstaying their welcome, and a whole host of other stuff going on. During this time mums need to forget about the world and focus on getting to know their new little ones. There is no rush to get out, or to get back into your jeans. This is the time to hang out with baby and learn to feed together. In the first couple of weeks health professionals call round to visit, this is a brilliant time to ask all those little questions about feeding. However stupid you might think a question is, it is far better to ask then sit alone worrying about it or worse still google it! I think we as mums often rush through the early weeks with baby, we want all the family to come visit and we want to get out and about with baby and this can really hinder breastfeeding. Asking visitors to entertain themselves or better still do the dishes whislt you escape to feed and rest is really helpful. There's nothing worse than your gorgeous new baby been passes around by well meaning visitors bouncing and jiggling baby when all baby needs is a feed, especially when your boobs are getting fuller and fuller by the minute!
With my first baby I was told that if I got through the first six weeks, breastfeeding would then get easier and its true the first 6 weeks are the worst, survive and you'll never look back. Remember though the key to getting through those first six weeks is getting help, and been supported. If you are feeling pain on feeding, don't feel comfortable with your latch, or are getting more and more anxious about facing feeding in public then go and talk to someone, call your midwife or health visitor, or a breastfeeding helpline, or go to a local support group. These people are here to help and as I've said before if you don't deal with these problems they will only get worse.
Long term support.
One of the greatest things I ever did as a mum was join a breastfeeding support group. Its not one of those hippy, middleclass or pretentious types you sometimes hear about. Its normal mums just like me, who love breastfeeding. At group mums find friendship, they find women with children of the same ages, they meet mums one step further along the parenting journey to learn from, and realise that they are not the only one who is sleep deprived and covered in baby sick. Yes mums get professional health advice from our group, but more importantly they find (I hope) a community of women who will support and care for them through breastfeeding and beyond. In groups you get to see tiny babies feeding, big babies feeding, and toddlers feeding - and all of those feel normal. At group women share the horror stories, the funny stories and the stories that make you want to cry. Good breastfeeding support groups should provide those elements of parenting that we miss out on these days due to no longer living near our extended families. I appreciate thought that theres along way to go and many areas are not as fortunate as here.
9 years later I still go to support group, my babies are all grown up and breastfeeding is become a distant memory, so now its my turn to be the supporter. It's now my turn to tell mums that in 6 months or maybe 3 years they will rediscover sleep! It's me that can share my weaning stories and its me who can say if I had my time again I wish I'd done certain things differently. Mother to mother support whether that be for a few weeks or for many years is what mums need, not just for breastfeeding but for every aspect of parenting. I really do believe that it is because of group that I succeeded in feeding my babies for as long as I wanted. As mature breastfeeders we can supply that support to mums in our families and communities and its through those relationships that we really can make a difference to breastfeeding rates and the duration women breastfeed.
Going back to work.
Going back to work can be really difficult for mums. What would help many is having more employers who support and encouraging breastfeeding mothers. Mums need rooms to express, not toilets and not a partition pulled round them in the middle of an open plan workspace! They need fridges, washing facilites and all the practical stuff sorted out for them. More than that though they need to feel that their feeding is valued, they need to feel every part the professional despite the breastpump stored under the desk. They need their bosses to affirm them and acknowledge their hardwork and commitment to work and baby. Employers benefit greatly from breastfeeding, mums have less time off with poorly babies so save them money, and feel happier in their return to work when they can continue to provide milk for their little ones. A good supportive boss is more likely to find women returning to work after after children and will be rewarded with loyality from their breastfeeding staff members.
Stopping breastfeeding.
And when the journey ends mums still need support, whether they stop after a month, 6months, 2 years or longer, mums need to be supported through the weaning process. Some stop because they feel they have to, others because they feel the time is right. Either way giving that last feed is a emotional time. Mums need to be told what a great job they have done, that every feed they have managed has benefited baby and themselves.
I want mums to stop breastfeeding because they want to, at the time that feels right for them, not because their choice to feed was removed by a society who are ignorant, or health professionals who are not trained enough to help. Most all I never want a mum to stop breastfeeding because they didn't feel able to ask for help. There's a lot of guilt tied to motherhood, and so many women carry totally unnecessary guilt because they think they failed to breastfeed, and that is so sad. These women are not failures, they are not worse mothers because circumstances stopped them breastfeeding. But we as a society have let them down. Information, support, and honesty may well have extended their breastfeeding journey. As a society we just need to grow up, and deal with boobs. Breastfeeding is normal, healthy and lovely and those of us who survive and live to tell our breastfeeding tale, need to get out there and normalise breastfeeding again. We need to be advocates for our fellow mums and provide them with the support they need. Maybe then we will see breastfeeding rates increase in this country.
(Is Breast Best? Cherry Healey Investigates was shown on BBC3 on Tuesday 13th April at 9pm. You can read Cherry's blog about the show at http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/tv/2011/04/is-breast-best-cherry-healey-i.shtml )
